Booze

Booze
I'll take one of each Mr. Bartender Man

August 30, 2011

Drinking Game: Century Club

We just had our 100th post! If you are reading this stop whatever it is you are doing and slam a beer or do a shot! Cheers everyone!

In respect to the 100th post it is time to explain an easy little drinking game called the Century Club. Do you want to successfully join this exclusive drinking club where thousands of people have failed? It's simple, but it sure ain't easy! DO 100 SHOTS OF BEER IN 100 MINUTES. Since a bottle of beer has about 12 ounces, it's only about 8.3333333 beers in 1 hour and 40 minutes. "A fast clip, but more than doable" you're thinking to yourself. Well man/woman up and get a group of people to do it, see how long you can last, who pukes first or who makes it till the end. How awesome would it be to say that you are a member of the CENTURY CLUB!


If you complete the Century Club successfully, print this honorable badge out and wear it around proudly looking down on everyone else who is not a member of the exclusive club. Be smug about it, they should know that you're better than them.

*Full disclosure, CM has puked (mostly beer foam a.k.a. "head" so pour them good) like a withdrawing heroin fiend every time he's attempted Century Club.

Good luck and drink up!

August 29, 2011

Playboy

How to check whether your son is gay or not at an early age.



The Same 4 Chords


Fack off!

Cool Jesus


Who in the hell would want an ark?

Beer Pong Slam Dunks




You must also yell "I WON A MATH'S DEBATE!"

Huge Hit


Blu-ray


Now that's some literal shit right there.

McDriveby


I am Ronald McDonald, and I approve of this message.

August 27, 2011

Goalie Survives


Pokemon


That guy is definitely a child molester.

Big Mouth Man



Prank: Dick Knob

Here's a decent, slightly homosexual, prank that may take a little planning. If pulled off successfully, endless bragging rights are awarded and endless chirping commences as soon as your pal touches your bird.


Best Fails of 2011



August 26, 2011

Blink-182 - Up All Night (Official Music Video)

Been waiting a looooooong ass time for this! One of my favorite bands of all time finally has a new CD coming out on September 27th. This is the first official music video for the first release off their new album titled "Neighborhoods".


Datsyukian Magic

Caution! Partial Male Nudity as Datsyuk undresses Niemi.


Many more sick shootout dangles to come.

Kid Selling Beer


This is my kind of bar! Solely because of the price.

World's Strongest Beers

The World’s Strongest Beers
Of all the most amazing things ever invented, beer is most definitely in our Top 3 (along with women and sports).  While we’ve dabbled in beers that have hovered around 10% alcohol by volume, those brews are like sipping O’Doul’s compared the world’s strongest beers:  

Gold at the End of the Rainbow


It's a puzzle, the "pot of gold" at the end of the rainbow is actually BEER! Same colour.

The New Planking

No, it's not coning.


Chris Farley


I Seen A Leprechaun


You know what lady? You, actually said something relatively intelligent. I agree, it "cud hav b'n a crack heead dat got ahold of da rong stuff". Also, I think your whole town is on crack and everyone is smoking the wrong stuff. Stick to booze!
"I w'nna no wher da gold at."
"Who els seen da leprkan say yeah; YAAAA!"
"Dis her is a special leprkan flute."
P.S. -  The amateur sketch couldn't be more accurate.

3 Slams, 1 Game

August 25, 2011

Scumbag Steve Meme

Everyone knows someone like this.

Scumbag Steve Borrow Your Lighter

Scumbag Steve Goes To High School Parties

Scumbag Steve Sweet Liquor

Homeless James Bond


The best James Bond I've seen. Golden Eye for N64 was sick!

Let Me Help



That's a brown card.

People Are Awesome

Some of the sickest shit you have ever seen in your life!


People are awesome, well some are. This blog is awesome! And if you are here, YOU are AWESOME!

Drinking Game: Drag Racing

Simple, quick, funny, and gets you pickled.

The object of this game is to slurp up your drink and finish your side of the ice cube tray before your opponent.

1. Get an ice cube tray. You can get a standard one which most people already have.
Or you can do it the predrink way. Shop for a beauty of an ice cube tray with more slots to get you drunker quicker or add more players than 2.
2. Make a mixed drink, preferably a non-carbonated bevy and disperse it in all the slots filling them up.

3. Get enough straws for all the players.

4. Start your engines (insert straw into beginning cube), have someone countdown, hit the gas (start sucking up your drink; moving from one cube to the next).

The person to finish all the liquid in all of their cubes is crowned the champ. Rinse and repeat until everyone is pickled.

August 24, 2011

The Best of 90's Rock

Got to love 90's rock sometimes while drinking with buddies. When you hear some of these songs I'm sure you'll have some good stories that come to mind. Even if you don't recognize the name of some of these bands or songs, you'll still know them and might be able to sing along to every word. Get drunk, laugh at the music videos, share some memories, crank the volume and sing along loud as fuck!

1999:
1. “My Own Worst Enemy” by Lit
2. “Jumper” by Third Eye Blind
3. “Scar Tissue” by Red Hot Chili Peppers
4. “The Chemicals Between Us” by Bush
5. “Heavy” by Collective Soul

1998:
1. “Inside Out” by Eve 6
2. “The Way” by Fastball
3. “Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground
4. “Shimmer” by Fuel
5. “Closing Time” by Semisonic

1997:
1. “Bitter Sweet Symphony” by The Verve
2. “Push” by Matchbox Twenty
3. “Everlong” by Foo Fighters
4. “The Freshman” by The Verve Pipe
5. “Everything to Everyone” by Everclear

Dirty Sanchez



The ONLY Set of Beer Pong Rules You Will Ever Need

Beer Pong has become the most played drinking game across North America. It's competitive, fun, requires skill, gets you drunk, gets the party started and gets you pumped up! There are many types of rules and a bunch of technicalities for the WSOBP (World Series of Beer Pong) but for the most part it's a party game so you don't need all the douchey long-ass rules in a list hanging up on your wall. Here are ALL the rules you need to make the game legit and fun.



*NOTE: The game is mostly played while listening to sick tunes and in the presence of hot chicks to cheer you on and massage your throwing arm.

August 23, 2011

Dating Tips For Guys

Just some ways you can show your special someone you're a real man:

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. When she says that she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

Every "That's What She Said" from The Office, Ever!

Balls


1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.
3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.
And....
6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.
THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:
The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!
More like... the smaller the balls you play with, the manlier you are and the more money you make. Fuck-tard. 

Body Puppets


Butts



Sad Sexual Susie


Sick Beer Pong Tables

33) Beach Beer Pong Table
Sand Beer Pong Table

So the table surface kind of sucks, but the idea to dig a huge trench is the sand is really awesome, so this made the list. Great if you enjoy sandy beer and shirtless dudes.
32) Baltimore Beer Pong Table
Baltimore Beer Pong Table
This table features a massive Marylandflag with holes to fit 2 games of six-cup and 1 game of ten-cup. Table also comes with Ravens logos and a stick figure man that is running with a football.
31) Superman vs. Batman Table
Superman vs. Batman Table
Clarke Kent or Bruce Wayne? Dark Knight or Man of Steel? You make the call on this table. Feel free to act like a nerd if on the Superman side, and a snobby rich guy if on the Batman side.

August 22, 2011

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Drinkers

Bookstores are full of self-help books, and the web is replete with various tips, advice, and lists for improving one's life. Google 'ways to lose weight' or 'how can I tell if my relationship is working' and pray that you're operating a Pentium 4 or better. Despite the fact the first thing anyone should do to help themselves is never fucking buy a self-help book, the irony seems lost on the massive masses.



I read on the internet that I can eat anything I want as long as it's not seafood!

All of these lists, tools, questionnaires, advice, and tips are designed to improve your emotional, spiritual, mental, or physical health. This list will promote none of those things if one applies a strict constriction of their meaning.



This baby's chi is intact. He is one with the universe. He is heading for foster care.

This list will however allow you to get drunk as often as possible, with as few consequences as possible. If that's not wellbeing and success, I'd prefer failure.

Lost iPod, Reward


"One upping" every reward ad I see form now on. Genius idea.

How To: Make Your Own Kegerator

A dorm luxury. Tell your parents you need a mini-fridge for your dorm/room so no one steals your food when they're starving after the bar at 3am, so you can get it for free, or go pick up all the gear with your hungover buddies. Everyone would come to your place all the time to drink, don't forget to charge those mooch's.

KEGERATOR!

If you have found easier instructions elsewhere please share them.

Here's a video too. They're not the same but it gives you a better visual of what you should be doing. 


August 21, 2011

Prank: Telemarketer


Eat it you damn telemarketers!

Joke: Stoned Dad

I took my dad to the mall…

funny-dad-spike-hair-parrot

Is It Too Soon?

Nahhh, it's not too soon. That shit's funny! 
I'm not a bad person, I just have a good sense of humor.

Simpsons VS The Hangover

They're the same!
*click image to make larger, then click again to zoom. 


Steal ideas, make sick movie. Simple.

Pool Table

Most ballin' pool table. 

 

August 19, 2011

Beer Pong Trick Shots


Practice makes perfect. I bet I'd still destroy them at the real game.

Craigslist Ad

$1000 Best. Roommate. Ever.


Date: 2011-08-18, 3:39PM PDT
Reply to: hous-ughzv-2549849730@craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking roommate that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 25-year-old professional marketing agent with experience at bad-ass companies in New York Fucking City. That's right! What you know about experience? I graduated from Auburn University in Alabama, and moved to NYC at the ripe, tender age of 22. After deciding that New York was a stinky shit-hole, I moved back to Alabama to cultivate more professional experience. Why? So I can make millions of dollars and not have to post shit like this on Craigslist.

Anyway, so I landed this job with a marketing firm in San Francisco, and I have no fucking clue where to live. Honestly, I'm moving there in 3 weeks, so I don't give a shit if I have to sleep in your bathtub.

Tattoo Thong Babe


August 18, 2011

Summer Anthem?


This has to be the summers biggest hit. Great party song even though this style of music is not my preference.

"Everyday I'm stumblin" is predrink's remix because we party hard daily and stumble around bombed.

August 17, 2011

"Go The Fuck To Sleep"

This book will be passed down in my family for many generations.

CLICK HERE to listen to Samuel L. Fuckin' Jackson narrate the book.

Banned Guiness Commercial


That Guiness wouldn't be balancing that well if I was behind her.

Rodney Mullen

The greatest flat ground skater of all time. 

August 16, 2011

Ransack!!!

A campus dorm classic, the ransack is a practical joke that ranges from relatively harmless to absolutely devastating. Ransacks have a tendency to start off minor, like putting the wrong things in the salt shaker or sugar container.



Marco Polo weighed 98 pounds at death. 

This harmless bit of fun will naturally prompt a response. But, you don't want to get even, you want to teach them a lesson for messing with you.



That fucking mosquito has been bugging me for days. Gotcha bitch!

Newer Hit

Battle of the best greasy songs. "Smell My Skanky Pussy" VS. "Smell Yo Dick". This one has more YouTube views and seems to have a little more money put into the video production.

Unfortunately, the content is only available for embedding in the US; bullshit. BUT THAT WON'T STOP ME! So just click below, watch, enjoy the soon to be hit and comment here, since the gangsta can dish it but can't take it (she disabled comments on her YouTube video). 

WATCH HERE!

New Hit

Now, I know we haven't put up many songs yet. However, I sense this song is headed straight to the top of the charts. I wanted to be the first to share it so when everyone asks "Where did you find out about this gem?" you can tell them "It's from the best blog in the world, predrink.blogspot.com!"


I wouldn't smell that "skanky and slutty vagina" with CM's nose.

August 15, 2011

Watchout For Ninjas

Joke's on him. That was a roofie-colada.

Sk8'r Babe

Not only is she hot. She can grind on air!

Dos Equis Drunkard

Now, that's not true. Whiskey. Whiskey makes you beat your wife. Liar.

August 14, 2011

Kids, Try This At Home

Why wouldn't you want "kids" to try this at home? Panzi. What a waste of expensive, good tequila. He just gargles it then pukes it up. This guy is the epitome of douche-baggery, and obviously not much of a drinker because at the end of the video he's already drunk. If he did it somewhat properly, like chug and don't stop till you are done, instead of taking swigs non-stop, he could have done it. FAIL!

Where The Word "Boob" Was Derived


Alternative meaning: A moronic idiot that blows air when they speak. Somone who constantly says dumb shit.

"Spell Mississippi." - me

"You want me to spell the river or the state?" - dumbass

"Are you serious? Dude, you're such a a boob." - me

I Just Want To Buy Something


August 13, 2011

This Rooster Is Better Than Rebecca Black

This is my apology for referencing the song "Friday" in my last post. I know you'll forgive me after watching this. It's like that song you think is shit when you hear it for the first time but after 5 times of listening to it, it becomes really catchy.





Hungover?

Party Rock hard last night? Good, because you should have. It was "Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday". Fuck, I can't believe I just referenced that song. Hungover today? Good, me too.

Steps to hangover relief:

1. Get up, pee and chug a bottle of cold water.
2. Make 2 eggs, 2 pieces of toast and 4 slices of bacon. Drink a glass of OJ.
3. Let the food settle and do mild exercise, walk, bike, sweat out the booze a bit.
4. Take a nice long shower.
5. Watch a funny movie, look at awesome shit on this blog, call friends over and talk about last night. Laughter is key for hangovers.
6. Go on Facebook and see if people posted pictures of your drunk ass that you don't remember taking.
7. Have sex. It always makes you feel better; releases mass amounts of endorphines.
8. You could always start drinking again.

That's it, it's fool proof. There's no cure for a hangover, but this is the best way to relieve the shitty symptoms. You should be well on your way to recovery so you can party hard again tonight! Cheers!


August 12, 2011

FUCK YA!

Animals make this look acceptable.

Jean Paul

From the Seinfeld episode: A clause in your fantasy football league, whereby anybody who clearly forgot to set their roster before the 1pm Sunday start time because they were so hungover they slept through it. Typical penalty is buying a case of beer for the next year's draft. Attempts to deny a Jean-Paul, like saying you're starting a backup quarterback because you think he'll get subbed in for a lot of Wild-cat formations, are subject to a 2/3rd league vote of bullshit, whereby the the offender owes two cases of beer.

Football Gives Back

After months of grandstanding, showmanship, and both sides disingenuously claiming to be fighting ‘for the fans’, we can all breathe easy now that the NFL season is sure to take place. It’s a good time to reflect on a few things. First of all, every horseshit platitude about it being ‘for the fans’ was just that; everybody knows it was about which side wanted more of the revenue pie, as it was so obnoxiously referred.


Mmm I can’t tell if it’s cherry or greed.

Secondly, we will have fantasy football again. Fantasy football combined with real football all but guarantees that men don't have to speak to their wives or girlfriends all day Sunday. More on fantasy football later.

Thirdly, and most importantly, it allows us to fully appreciate how important the NFL is to drinking and how closely the two are intertwined. Specifically, the NFL is to hangover what chicken wings are to hunger (if the SAT analogies had been this straightforward, Nolander might have scored above 1200). The parade of beer commercials that roll through an NFL telecast are just as much of a wink-wink acknowledgement to the viewer that they over-endulged- according to Officer Jones and his pissing in public ticket-  as they are an advertising pitch. Everybody is in on it. I'm pretty sure that Phil Simms is hungover as shit during telecasts, his nonsense doesn't make sense any other way.

There is no better place to be while a hangover goes Genghis Khan on your brain than on a couch. Since the invention of flat-screens and the fact that instant replay has mandated virtually every inch and angle is covered, watching football on the couch is the best way to experience it. (This is probably the only sport for which that can be said) Marry the two and you have a better combination than peanut butter and jelly, ketchup and mustard, or hookers and blow.

28 Drinks Later

 

EPIC!

Joke: Twins

There were these two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of an old dilapidated boat. It just so happened that John's wife died the same day that Joe's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John and stated, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must feel terrible."

Joe, thinking she was talking about the boat, said, "Hell no, fact is I'm sort of glad to be rid of her, she was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like an old dead fish. She was always losing water. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The damn fools all tried to get in her at once and she split right up the damn middle!!!"

The old woman fainted.

Advice

Feel free to upgrade the beer or just use Natty Light or even put hard liquor in an empty beer can if you can handle it. Cheers!

Drinking Game: Louisville Chugger

FIRST! Grab a camera, because shit's about to go down. Literally.

1. Go to the dollar store and steal a cheap plastic baseball bat, or pay for it, whatever floats your boat.

2. Cut open the bottom end (skinny end, the size of CM's wang) with glass from a broken beer bottle, or an X-Acto knife.

3. Empty a beer can into it. Be a trooper and step up to the plate.

4. Have your friends count how many seconds it takes you to chug your beer out of the bat.

5. However many seconds it takes you to chug your beer is how many spins (full rotations, no panzi spins) you will be performing. Place one end of the bat on your forehead and the other end up the counters ass. Jokes. So, the end you drank from on your forehead and the other end of the bat on the ground and spin.

6. When you are done, stand up and give'r! A pitcher will throw the empty beer can to you and you must jack it for a home run (basically, make contact).

Rinse and repeat till everyone at the predrink or party goes at least once. Wake up hungover, and watch the taping of the game in the morning for laughter and hangover relief. Here's an example.


How To: High Five

When you get drunk tonight and your buddy does something awesome give them a fuckin' HIGH FIVE! WOOOOO! However, first, my young apprentice, you must learn the proper etiquette. You don't want no ball in socket bullshit.




August 11, 2011

Beer Bottle Domino's

Those better all be from one night.

Beer Collection


Joke: 12 Inch Pianist

This is my buddy Cherns 'go to' joke. It's told mostly around a group of parents and they laugh every time. Obviously tell it while drinking.
 
There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks the bartender what that's all about and the bartender said he'll explain later.

So he asks the bartender for a drink and the he says,
'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.'

'OK!' says the guy.

He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,
'You have one wish.'

The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. All of a sudden a million ducks fall from the sky.

He tells the bartender,
'What the fuck? I didn't want a million ducks.'

The bartender replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'

Horrible Hangover

How I looked.



How I felt.

 How she looked.



The solutions:
1.



2.



3.

.